Lethal Sanctuary

Of People Like You

2012-01-15T22:36:00.001+08:00

We move on.

We dont just get stuck in the past in our high school moments and high school dramas with

our high school friends.

We move on.

We become more mature and wiser.

We expand our social networks.

We look at things differently in another perspective.

We dont get stuck in the past.

Unless you chose that way.

And honestly for me,

if you do, you are at all not at par with me.

Cause i have gotten enough of your childishness.

Its about time you see the reality of life.

A Tinge of Sadness to Embark On

2012-01-12T18:24:00.001+08:00

It's already 2012. How time passes so fast. In a blink of an eye, I'm already 21 years old. Wow. So many stories to tell, so many incidents have happened. Laughter and tears along the way accompanying me throughout the whole journey. Four months of studying gone just like that and yet so many things have happened. And now without realizing it, I'm about to embark into another whole new journey in three weeks time. Sigh. How I wish though that I could turn back time and erase certain memories and incidents that I wish I wouldn't need to encounter. But that is life. It's never sweet cotton candy like. Once in awhile there is the tinge of sourness in your tongue. History cannot be erase but you can learn from the mistakes and be a better person. I am 21 years old and I need to behave like one. Maybe not physically,mentally true indeed. For I believe every thing that has happened is for a reason and only Allah knows why. Cause He will not let us be burden with more than what we can bear. Towards a better life, insyaAllah. (:

2011-11-11T16:42:00.002+08:00

Dear God

You made it possible

When facing obstacles .

In the midst of trying to agree to disagree

2011-11-04T16:06:00.009+08:00

“There is no such thing as complete freedom in the name of human rights because freedom of expression also comes with conditions."

Its an utter disappointment for me when I read the statement made by PKR's communication director Nik Nazmi. His view against PPSMI to my astonishment amuses me much to the extent many regarded him as following the footsteps of fellows UMNO's. Such a despair to know such a brilliant person like him to have the opposing view. Unless of course, if this came from the winning party, its a norm to know their contention is what more but to uphold Bahasa Malaysia as the national language. (as if its a very huge deal)

English is the most common language used in modern sciences and mathematics. Abolishing the PPSMI is a very grave mistake ever made. Eventhough research done has shown that Malaysia has dropped significantly after the implementation of the PPSMI, one must look beyond the surface. Just because the rural parts of the country are unable to progress and excel well with English as the medium in learning Science and Maths, it is not an excuse to revert back to the former education style of teaching. Reverting this implementation which has been executed for almost 9years will be a setback for generations to come.

He also contended that even the English speaking world is becoming more open to the teaching of "second language" such as Chinese,French or even the Quranic language. One should be very well-aware that Bahasa Malaysia no longer serves as a lingua franca in this modern world. It used to. Used. With developments increasing day by day with researches being conducted almost entirely in English, why should we be left behind just to uphold the achievements made in the past by our founding fathers in the Constitution?

Bahasa Malaysia can be promoted in other ways and means through literacy for example. It is inarguable that Malay literacy is amazing and has been written with language that is set to mindblown the readers. But to say that it is through Bahasa Malaysia that everyone would be able to understand the subject matter in learning Science and Maths in an understatement, I see parents sending their kids for tuition to learn Bahasa Malaysia only for the main purpose of ace-ing the subject during exam. I have friends who abandoned Bahasa Malaysia right after SPM. How is then by having Bahasa Malaysia as the medium in learning Science and Maths will help to promote the language?

If its main purpose indirectly is to help the Malays ,as its a well-known fact that most Malays are the ones whom are unable to converse in English well to be compared to other races, then by abolishing PPSMI , it is the Malays who are going to suffer eventually. How? I am certainly not here to downgrade my fellow race but look at Indians, they have the capability to pick up the English language easily from friends or family. Or the Chinese whom do not fare too badly either, they will somehow acquire the language easily either through language centres or studying overseas. But what about the Malays?It is an unfortunate sight that it will the Malays who will have the difficulty in acquiring fluency in the language as they prefer to use their mother-tongue at just about everywhere. Again, im stressing that i am not trying to downgrade my own fellow race. They are indeed at last my very own race. Of course it is very hard initially but look at it in the long run, i am pretty sure it will serve us well in the near future. No offense intended.

As much as im aware of the statement made by Prof Azizi Bari with regards to this issue, what i do not understand is how the implementation of PPSMI is going against Article 152 of the Federal Consti. Well I guess thats a hint for me to attend more often of his Consti lectures. :D

As how my pencil has its own stand, i too have my reasons to stand on my own grounds. With the politicians obfuscating the matter, it is at the end of the day goes down to the person's ability to understand the concept of science & maths, regardless of the language in which it is taught. I am a Malay and im able to converse in both Malay and English even when i was taught in English when learning Maths and Science. I do not question the importance of English. There is no denying that it is the international language and should be pursued seriously by all.

If there's a will, there is always a way. As much as Tun Mahathir had made many mistakes during his time, the implementation of PPSMI is a very good move. As quoted by him, "In this age of science and technology, if you dont progress in science, you cannot make any progress". Its not just about benefiting this group of students or that group of students. Its more than that. Its about benefiting the nation and national progress.

But how can a person like me would be able to make a difference in this. The decision has been made regardless PAGE's initiative to make a stand on this. Just another pressing matter to be gulped down.

Hopefully the next GE would be able to make a difference in this even I doubt it will.

2011-10-23T04:22:00.002+08:00

When life gives you lemons, you turn it into lemonade.

But lemonades aren't always that pleasant.

The sourness differs from everyone's taste buds.

If you're lucky, you get the good ones. If you're not, you get the bad ones.

Its just on how you handle and correct the situation.

Put more sugar, it will somehow tastes even better

Put less sugar, you'll have the crinkled, crumpled face where you eyebrows starts to furrow.

Like how lemonade is my current situation,

that is how i want sugar for my motivation.

Cause sometimes it only takes sugar to make the heart at ease.

So , any sugar available anyone?

When Everything is Not Just About You.

2011-08-12T01:45:00.000+08:00

So many things to say yet the mouth is still keeping mum about it.

So many things to write yet the mental is having a breakdown.

So many things to do yet the time keeps running away.

I may be harsh but im sensitive too.

And words of yours might just trigger that sensitive part of mine.

But the mouth still is keeping mum about it.

And the hands are unable to write about it.

Yet there is nothing I can do about it.

Cause it might just ruined everything.

And all I can do is just breathe and forget about it.

We Are The Soldiers to Our General

2011-08-03T01:22:00.000+08:00

Kita ini semua umpama askar yang diutuskan menjalankan tugas rasmi. Setiap kita diberi arahan untuk melaksanakan tugas oleh jeneral agung. Apabila selesai tugas kita, sudah tentu kita perlu pulang. Setiap bayi yang lahir menerima watikah melaksanakan tugas sebagai tentera Allah. Di medan dunia inilah kita belajar dan terus belajar, medan ini kita bertempur dgn nafsu, di medan ini kita berusaha membantu orang lain. Dan bayi itu apabila telah selesai tugasnya sama ada ketika kecil atau tua tetap akan pergi untuk diganti tentera yang lain pula.

Begitulah peralihan semenjak zaman Adam. Semua kita datang dengan tugas, untuk mengenali Tuhan dan untuk mencari bekal. Insya Allah, Ali telah pun pulang ke kampung asalnya negeri syurga dan kita semua bakal pulang juga. Bukan kah kita semua merindui kampung halaman kita juga. Allah pasti tidak sia-siakan perasaan rindu kita kepada kekasih dan kepada kampung asal kita, kampung datuk kita Adam. Di sana semua kekasih akan dihimpunkan. Mudah-mudahan kita berkumpul bersama Baginda SAW.

I found this beautiful article
from a blog in which i have been a fan ever since,
and the content?
Really caught my eye and especially my heart.
May this Ramadhan will make me a better Muslimah.
InsyaAllah. (:

2011-07-31T23:04:00.002+08:00

Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

to all brothers and sisters.

May Allah bless you always. (:

That's me trying.

2011-07-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

A friend once told me,
"I dont think you fit well in that environment. You're not meant for that"
Well, not those exact words but it sums up in that way.
I didnt deny that fact but i didnt really agreed to that either.
But somehow, when i started pondering on that verbal statement.
It hit me.
Maybe i was not meant for that.
It annoys me, deeply and painfully.
It has been 2 years, almost 3 now.
And yet I am still complaining.
I am still trying to adapt well to the ballgame.
But hell,
i just dont get how their mind works.
Their mentality.
I guess its part of growing up.
But come on,
all those childish brawls and fracases,
those silly,moronic, irrational,( i could go on with all the adjectives all night)
statement and conversation of theirs.
I know its their rights but
I am trying to not go down the hill with that.
I was lost back then and i managed to surpass that
eventhough there were moments when I wish i wouldnt know them at all.
And now, I guess i should just focus on myself and get this over with asap.

Maybe its the time of the month.
Maybe its the hormones rising.
Maybe i am the problem, the virus.
But
Maybe i just missed my best friends a lot.
and maybe I wish they were with me together like high school
But we all grow up eventually.
I just have to get used to it.
It aint that hard, right?

Grey's to the Anatomy

2011-07-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have been missing MerDer moments.
Hence, i visited my past.

From season 1 up till now.
GA has been a part of me since its first season
aired in 2005 when I was in form 2.
And ever since, i have been following Grey's up till now.

I grew up with Grey's literally.
No joke.

(You might have seen him in the lastest Transformers movie acting as the bad guy bt still hot)

And the first time I saw GA,
i fell in love with Derek Christopher Shepherd.
aka McDreamy.
I fell hard for him.
Real hard. Seriously.
Hence, as you can see, every link i have is all
in honour of him.
naimcdreamy.

Its not just about the hot mcsteamy guys or the mclove.
Its not about those medical knowledge ive learnt a lot (just by watching GA)
Its not just about the interesting story line.
Its something more than that.
GA has memorable quotes that relates to my life indirectly.
Future advises and motivations.
Melancholic but awesome soundtracks.
No one can ever understand why I would love GA so much.
Why it has and will always be my no.1 tv series.
Why no other tv series might ever take its position.
Come what may,
GA will always be no.1
and for the record,
i will love to visit Seattle one day.

Its just more than a medical tv series.
Its like the aorta distributing oxygen to the arteries.
Like the warehouse for the poop.
Its the blood to the heart.

.

2011-07-12T01:03:00.001+08:00

If i could whistle like a pro,

I would have been whistling away Edward Maya's

famous Stereo Love.
Dancing to the beat.

Been loving that tune since ever.

Someone pls teach me how to whistle.

Consider yourself hired!

Happy Feet (:

2011-07-07T22:54:00.003+08:00

After the first attempt to iceskate
with the girls failed,
(Phoeb jinxed it)
Haha
finally we get to iceskate TODAY!

I had funnnnn. A lot of funn and laughing.
And pain. Haha
Thanks to Manda, Lis, Ash,Shaun and Harv.
Enjoyed the day. Seriously. (:

Nothing makes me happy but the dose of laughter from my best friends. (:

2011-07-02T15:00:00.001+08:00

"You were polite like ice,

I once could melt it. "

2011-07-01T22:58:00.002+08:00

I have a dream.

A very BIG dream.

Who doesnt right?

On a random note: I ~~like,~~ love the city lights very much.

2011-07-01T02:38:00.001+08:00

It only takes one negative comment to kill a dream.

And it takes another one more chance for me to

bear with what you did.
Make your call.

Remember that next time.

Happy Birthday Lil Bro! (:

2011-06-30T00:29:00.003+08:00

Meet Danial.

He's 13 this year.
He's taller than me by approximately 2cm?
He's skinny.
He's annoying, thats what younger brothers are for.
But
he's my only Dobby. (':

So i have to bear with his annoyance
and his
"kak naim, temankan danial nih, temankan danial tuh"
"kak naim, (talks about naruto stuffs)"
"kak naim, have you heard this song before? "
turned out to be Naruto's soundtrack.
And my endless nagging on
"Danial can u pls put your clothes in your own drawer instead of me doing it for u?"
and the list goes on.

But the thing about having a younger bro is that
you get to be the boss.
And if they refuse, you say
"Im your sister, have some respect."
Aaahhh bliss (:

He used to be small and very vulnerable.

Now he's taller than me.
Damn.
The next thing I know
his voice will change.
If i blink again,
he's already capable of driving a car.
Time flies.
But you will always be my lil bro.

And i will always get to boss you around ;D

I know you wont probably read this just yet.
You're still engrossed with your anime.
Maybe one day when you start reading blogs,
then you might come across this.

So
Happy birthday again (:
Much love,
your sister.

The Current Obsession

2011-06-29T01:50:00.000+08:00

You are the current obsession now.
You make my heart beat faster.
You are just the one I wish I could have.
You are Daniel Shaw.
Brandon James Routh, i am sorry to acknowledge you now.
Btw, you remind me of someone in which
I know everyone would slap me hard on the face
if I mention who it is.
Aahhh, Hye Daniel Shaw.
Congratulations on making the list. (:

Remorseful

2011-06-28T00:37:00.001+08:00

I know.
I am aware.
I am fully familiar with the consequences.
Its not good to bad-mouth others.
I should refrain from Ghibah.
But,
sigh this is really really really tough.
Its really tough.
Its like a child being refused milk.
Okay thats really not a good analogy.
But the point is,
its tough.

Why the sudden post?
Its not as if im aware of the Islamic rulings
just today right?
But someone gave me a reminder.
Well it wasnt really a someone.
But rather I came across it laa.
I am truly sorry for the things I have said about you
behind your back.
The picture of you laying on the bed with
wires intact to you makes me really sad.
Its not as if im close to you.
Its not as if we are even friends.
Its not as if you meant something to me.
Its just that you had something to do with me before this.
And those words that you wrote,
those links you posted,
it triggers me right to the heart.
I am sorry for the words i have said.
The slanders i have been slandering.
The rumors that i believed.
I hope you will forgive me. :/

I guess its part of being a human.
I make mistakes.
I tend to talk about others.
And so do you.
But thanks for the reminder,
i shall lessen that now.
InsyaAllah with great will,
i will try.
Damn this is tough. I need guidance. :/

2011-06-18T22:00:00.001+08:00

Is it any wonder,

How in a blink of an eye,

Everything has changed?

How Cotton Candy Can You Be?

2011-06-06T02:54:00.001+08:00

I do not like it one bit when someone
talks without substance.
Come on, just for the sake of talking and looking smart
when in fact you're talking crapless, senseless, baseless facts?
Please do not talk when you know you're not in the right position
to speak up about the matter. Its not your field so obviously you will not have enough information
to talk and argue on it.
I suggest you go read up the material facts before you start commenting
and analyzing stuffs. It really is annoying.
Trying to knock some sense into your brain is just plain useless when it is in your nature
that you are born that way, to be such immatures.
I agree with u Manda. Why waste my time justifying myself when i clearly know that
im better off not to respond to that.
Its just that it bothers me to see a human being still exists out there with that capability
to talk baseless crap.
We are 20 years old. At least im about to.
Dont you think its time to grow up and stop playing and joking around?
Stop being defensive too when someone shoves you the truth on your face.
With that siege mentality of yours, im pretty sure you wont go far.
But "rezeki masing-masing Allah tentukan". True that but look at it the other way round.
How can you achieve greater things in life when you are still stuck in that 3rd class mentality?
Read more and im sure you'll discover stuffs that you sure will be amazed to see
how low you were in the past to talk and comment on an issue
without making enough research about it in the first place.
Someone once said to me that just like a cotton candy.
Cotton candies are really pretty and sweet on the outside
but they are really empty inside.
And i still hold on to that metaphor till now.
So, how cotton candy can you be?

The 4 persons in a community.

2011-06-04T02:10:00.002+08:00

"Terdapat satu kisah tentang empat orang yang bernama Semua, Seseorang, Sesiapa dan Tiada. Terdapat satu tugas mustahak untuk disempurnakan dan Semua diminta melakukannya. Semua yakin dapat melakukannya. Seseorang akan melakukannya.
Sesiapa mungkin telah melakukannya, tetapi Tiada yang melakukannya.
Seseorang menjadi marah terhadapnya, kerana itu tugas Semua.
Semua menganggap Sesiapa sahaja dapat melakukannya. Tiada yang menyedari bahawa Semua tidak mungkin melakukannya. Perkara ini berakhir dengan Semua mencemuh Seseorang apabila Tiada yang melakukan apa yang Sesiapa mungkin telah lakukan."

I came across this simple story,(it really is simple if you digest it properly) while reading one of the most prominent blogs in Malaysia.
This is what happens when everyone is dependent on each other.
The work that is supposedly shouldered on everyone is left abandoned.
Simply because we thought that it should be the responsibility of the authorities, those superior than us, those who possesses power, those above us.
What if that so-called superior person can no longer function?
What will be the end of the work?
Will it be left untouched? or will it be left for others to work on it?
Where is your responsibility?
Arent you one of those among "semua"?
Why alienate yourself by leaving others to work while you get the benefits of the
aftermath?
Allah has created you with enough wit and intelligence for each person.
Use it wisely and stop putting the blame on others when you know,
you yourself are able to correct the situation and finish up the work.
Of course there is no harm on being dependent on others
but know your limits.
The results would be extra outrageous if we were able to work
hand in hand,
and great minds put together.
Co-operation is essential. Note to self. (:

2011-05-31T20:31:00.000+08:00

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."

Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

This has to stop. Please.

2011-05-30T08:33:00.001+08:00

He is just the way I like it.

Damn, I think I need to get this 'string' out of my mind.

Seriously.

But, he's too good-looking and such a gentleman.

How can I resist the temptation?

Gahhh! (:

Dont judge a book by its cover.

2011-05-22T17:27:00.001+08:00

What makes a best-selling novel?

What makes a book a good book?

What makes you attracted to buy the book?

The cover of the book?
The author's name?
The synopsis written at the back of the book?
Just because your friends recommended it?
Just because u just have to buy it for the sake of looking bright
"ouh yes i've read that. Its a really good book!"
(padahal u are still on the 1st chapter of the book)

Ive been there. Done that.
Buying a book just to look smart? No.
but of the cover I guess.
A cover can describe a million words.
But dont be fooled just by the cover
cause the content might not be as good as the cover.
Just like us humans.

Situation 1
She might be the prettiest girl on earth
but would she possess the most beautiful heart here?
He might be the most eligible smoking hot bachelor in town?
but is his attitude at par with his looks?

Situation 2
She aint got looks like Natalie Portman or Emma Roberts
but she owns a good heart, helping others without failing
to portray a smile on her face.
He aint a hunk like Channing Tatum or with a voice like Adam Levine's
but his heart and faith towards his religion will ensure and guide you to the right path.

The old proverb once said
"Dont judge a book by its cover"
Indeed its true
but in a different perspective
you do judge a book by its cover.
Meaning?
" Cantiknya dia, padanlah dengan pasangan dia tuh.Tapi dengar cerita lelaki keliling pinggang tpi yelaa muka cantik."
or
"Ishh muka xadalah cantik sangat langsung xpadan dengan lelaki tuh. Apalah lelaki tuh nampak kat perempuan tuh. Banyak lagi perempuan cantik."

Just because she's pretty, she deserves to be matched with lotsa guys?
Just because she's below average, she doenst have the right to have a guy as good looking as Hans Isaac?
Gosh, this refers directly to me.
To just assume without getting my facts right?
To just talk about the person eventhough i dont even know her?
I feel damn guilty about this.
From now on, ill TRY to stop making assumption and judge people by their looks. (:
What makes me write this post is that
some people out there get easily fooled
just by the looks.
And that includes me too.
The content isnt as delicious as the looks.
It might be raw, too salty or too sweet.
But nevertheless everyone has its own good and bad sides.
And that includes me.
As long i know how to take care of myself with guidance
and given criticisms,
InsyaAllah, ill try my very best to be good. (:

2011-05-21T01:47:00.003+08:00

"When Allah alienates you from the company of His creatures,

know that He wishes to open for you the door of His own intimacy."

[Ibnu Ata'illah]

Read and digest.

Acceptance is part of growing.

2011-05-20T21:37:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you have to step out of the scene once in awhile and look
what is happening without rose-tinted glasses to see that everything is not as you think it is.
In love, it means giving and taking.
In work, you cant be right all the time.
In family, means paying respect where its due.
In friendship, means to hold together through all thorns and flowers.
There are so many instances to this rules.

Wherever you are, see yourself from another point of view.
And that is only when you will mature.
I am human. Just like you.
You are human. Just like me.
We make mistakes.
Things couldnt have been that way.
I wish it never happened.
You wish it never happened either.
We forgive.
Lets forget.

From what i understand,
Some scars take too long to heal.
Some never do.
Some cuts are caused by the brashness of our youth and immaturity.
Others happen because we allow them too.
Understanding why were we cut in the first place,
gives us a chance to make things better for the future and reconcile with our past.

Eventhough the rot has gotten too deeply seated,

almost terminal as in a cancer patient,

We can always move on.

Cause how we move on from that determines what and who we are.

Why am I writing this post?
When i read back my posts on this blog,( cause i dnt have anything better to do but to reflect)
I flinched on certain entries at the immaturity of my youth.
Some comments brought me back to good times
and I chose to ruin that.
Every entries I posted on this blog,
there's always a hidden story behind it.
And obviously I wont tell.
I know that I would give up everything to go back to the past
and amend things just for a minute.
But mistakes are mistakes
and there is only one way to fix it.

We learned to live from our mistakes.
I dont know about others.
But i did and always will continuously
Of course, like any other human, I need constant reminding.
The past few days or weeks,
Internet surfing is no longer limited to
Facebook-ing or tweet-ing or checking emails
or reading papers online or chatting with friends.
I stumbled upon a few bloggers with
Gosh! just amazing entries that had made me realize that
life isnt just about what I am living it in the past.
It is more than that.
I felt tranquility and serendipity when I read those entries.
Such beautiful writing indeed.
I admit im no saint. But im no devil either.
As i grow up.
After i enrolled to iium, i admit that i am no longer the old Tun back in high school.
The same sunshine is still there no worries but my understanding towards life is different now.
You prolly wont get me, what Im saying.
But as long i know where i went wrong in the past, i wont be making
the same mistake in the present.
I can apologize for my errors and grievances,
but sorry is only a word to most people
and there is no point crying over spilled milk.
Dream as if you will live forever,
Live as if you will die today.
For the only one you should be feeling guilty
and asking for repentance is from Allah.

2011-05-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

”if you think you’re missing the boat by not dating and that you will never meet that ‘dream’ person, i have great news for you.Your boat is in a perfect condition and is not going anywhere without you.Allah is in control of everything.He knows the best time for you to get married and He has already picked out the perfect mate for you.No matter how hard you try on your own or rush the process,you will never find the perfect match that Allah is waiting to give you.All you need to do is place your trust in Allah,have patience,and stay firm in your commitment to keep of marriage,you will appreciate why,Allah has encouraged you to,stay single for such special occasion"

To Allah, I put my trust. (:

2011-05-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

There is always a thin line between reality and what you read.

Kerana sebuah novel adalah kiasan akan realiti kehidupan.

Exit Wounds.

2011-05-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

"Marks a battle still feel raw.
A million pieces of me on the floor."

One of the lyrics from The Script's Exit Wounds.
So many things happened in just a few days.
And eventhough it didnt go the way i've planned it
Maybe it was for the best.
Maybe it was for my own good.
Maybe it was a test from Allah.
As the old saying goes:
"Everything happens for a reason".
I would be in extreme denial to say
I am perfectly Okay.
The truth is I am okay just that I am a bit sad and in shock.
This phase will go away peacefully.
There's still a long way to go
and more chances along the way to grab.
I found a quote somewhere stating this:

"For you who is ill & has taken several medications yet no recovery, know that Allah only tests you & also a reminder that only Allah heals"

And by reading that,
it kinda made me feel much better.
Allah has His reasons.
If its not meant to be,
it wont be.
If its meant to be,
it will be.
For the time being, I am grateful with what ive been given
and ill try my best in the future. (:

Btw,
thnks Key for the moral support. Very much appreciated. Much love from me (:

Demons in our Hearts.

2011-05-05T23:56:00.002+08:00

All of us harbor our own demons and dragons.
These are made up of our thoughts and emotions.
These sabotage us.
My anger is part of me
and because I have power over my choice of emotions,
I can control the level of my anger.

I have tried and i will always be on the trying track.
So, I get annoyed easily
but I will control the level of my anger.
Because anger is a friend of the Devil.

2011-05-04T23:43:00.005+08:00

Why is it so freaking hard to please?
(i feel at times i just like to give up)

Niles Hallowell-Dhar

2011-05-04T16:22:00.002+08:00

East Indian guys are just undeniably hot.
And for a moment I thought he was a Mexican.
Turned out wrong. Hello East India (:
Current obsession: Niles "Cyrano"Hollowell-Dhar of The Cataracs.
His songs: Awesome and very catchy. Up to beat!

I cant seem to find a good pic of him on Google.

But i found his MySpace account.

Hello, Niles Dhar (:

The royal wedding.

2011-05-01T00:10:00.001+08:00

So does fairy tale love exists?
Are we doomed to a life of misery or does true love simply exists?

Opinion 1:
Sure it does! Fairy tales are simply simple. They are pleasingly simple.
Of course, if it does exists, it will be very rare in the real world.
But true love never know its boundaries.
You just fall in love. Simple as that. (:

Opinion 2:
No such thing anymore! One day your spouse will tell you how much they
love you daily then the next thing you know, poof! they walk off.
Of course in every relationship, it takes work and effort.
Fairy tales are just to entertain the little boys and girls.

But,
to me in my own humble opinion.
When you're in love, you are in your own fairytale story.
Doesnt matter if its fictional but love is powerful.
So treasure your love ones while you still have them.
As for me,
Im still waiting for my own Prince William (:
(not that i want to be seen wearing a see-through dress the first
time he set his eyes on me. lol )
Congratulations William and Kate.
Im sure Diana will be very proud of you (:

2011-04-27T00:10:00.003+08:00

Hakim ada tiga; dua di antara mereka masuk neraka, sedangkan satu diantara mereka masuk syurga. iaitu seorang lelaki yang mengetahui Al Haq, lalu ia memutuskan perkara dengannya ( al haq), maka ia masuk syurga. Adapun lelaki yang mengetahui Al Haq, tapi ia tidak memutuskan perkara dengannya, maka ia masuk neraka. Sedangkan seseorang yang tidak mengetahui al haq lalu ia memutuskan perkara manusia dengan kebodohannya maka ia juga masuk neraka.” - (Riwayat Abu Dawud, At Thawawi).

Although Im still alive, Im barely breathing.

2011-04-25T23:10:00.001+08:00

The thing about being sick is that you just dont know when its gonna come.
Like a thunderstorm, at least u can predict by looking at the dark skies.
But not flu.
I was fine the night before and poof!
The next thing I know im having a red nose now.
I prefer having a stomachache rather than a running nose.
Cause when Im down with a flu, everything will just come together.
The massive headache, the non-stop Im-famished feeling, the neverending. endless
everlasting sneezes which annoys me.
AND ofcourse
my face looks like crap. and i feel absolutely disgusted with myself.
Okay maybe not to the extent on the former one though.
Even one of the students said that
"Teacher u look really sick. You should go and see the doctor.You are like my brother but
my brother is way better. He can sneeze 10 times in a row!"
Why thank you
I bet i can sneeze 15times in a row. -___-
Now I know I’m going to be spending it blowing my nose, nursing a massive migrane, and frequently having to take Advil
And yes more sleep and rest.
I tried from 9pm just now but dammit was feeling restless so i decided to blog.
So that my brain will somehow function in a weird way but what the heck.

Okay, flu please go away.
I got many plans this week and I dont really want you to be the
main purpose why i cant get out from bed.
Please go.
Thank you.

Btw, when Im not feeling good, I like to have my own cup
of hot milk. ( Not the fresh Dutchlady Milk, i like susu tepung. (: )
You can never go wrong with milk.
Milk- happiness (:

2011-04-21T16:53:00.002+08:00

I really have to start working on this.

Seriously.

Procrastinating is not a good idea.

Its just not. :/
The question is when?

Of Deep Fried Anchovies Chili Paste.

2011-04-21T16:27:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching this movie
"Julie & Julia"
i was choosing movies to watch this afternoon and i chose that movie
simply just because i thought it was a romantic-comedy movie.
Turned out wrong.
It was based on 2 true stories.
Julia Child the famous American chef back in the world-war II.
Her famous cookbook -Mastering the Art of French Cooking was published numerous times.
49th publication and still counting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Child
Yeah, click on the link above if you would like to know more about her.
her story is quite fascinating.
And the other story was based on Julie Powell's life.
A famous writer.
Written the book,
Julie and Julia: 365 days, 524 recipes, 1 tiny apartment kitchen.
So the movie revolved around those two characters
and let me tell you
everything was about food!
Mouth-watering dishes and desserts.
Nyumnyum.
Makes me wanna cook even more.Lol.
Im not a good cook though. :/

BUT
ill learn my way through. haha
Since its my semester break
im in charged of cooking for the family.
And i have absolutely no idea sometimes what to cook.
I cooked chicken soup the other day,
It was easy peasy trust me.
(I cook that if im too lazy to cook)
but my mom's not a fan of chicken soup
so had to cook other dish for her
and she taught me how to cook
"sambal ikan bilis"
and i loved it.
I cook that dish every single day now.
It aint that spicy cause im not a fan of spicy food
neither are my parents nor my siblings
haha
I can just munch that ikan bilis whenever I want.
Its that good.
And very easy to cook.
I love sambal ikan bilis- my style. (:

ikan bilis you satisfy my hungry heart lol. (:

Words can shatter the soul.

2011-04-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

Hmmphh.
They say everything happens for a reason.
and for whatever that reason maybe,
ouh well it just happened.
There's no used being sad or pissed off now right?

Shallow-mindedness.
Unfortunately still rule the world.
And unlucky for me.
i am still the victim of those callous attitude of theirs.
Since high school ,back when i was in Form 1
to now.
20 years old.
Things never changed.
I would love to elaborate more
to vent out this frustration and anger.
But
i am speechless
deep inside i felt damn right violated.
Privacy intruded.
Shit happens, you move on right?

Moving on.
I was reading this book the other day,
on friendship
(trust me i value and cherish my friends a lot, i do have lotsa friends but i only have a few,very few mind you,which i share my stories with, im very secretive)
" if you judge people, you have no time to love them"
the storyline was very heartbreaking indeed.
How she made a mistake by judging this poor girl who just moved to town
spreading wild rumors,making the whole school laughing at her
till she finally had a nervous breakdown problem.
She was only 13 years old.
And i remembered my incident when I was 13 years old too.
7 years ago.
Yet still fresh in my mind.
Things like that, you dont just forget that easily.
Forgive and forget?
Crap. Nonsensical stuffs.
Unless you are born with that talent to forget easily
which rarely happens.
A cut to the heart stays. It doesnt fade away.
It heals though for sometime but its always visible.
It just is.
You may forgive but will you ever forget?
7 years and i can still remember the exact time
the exact feeling i felt
while I walked from my prep class to the hostel
And for a few months I had to bear to those agonizing remarks.
Jealousy.
It makes one to do unthinkable stuffs.
She was 13 years old,fresh and young.
Imagine the upcoming years she had to deal.
Thank God,
I was considerably strong.
I did not breakdown. I moved on.
But i will always remember.
And mind you,
i am definitely not the type that easily forgets all those little stuffs.
Bad or good.
It stays.

So what?
People make mistakes right?
Everyone does.
I did.
The thing about mistakes is that
sometimes if we're lucky,
an eraser will do the trick.
and we can rub it across the page,
wipe away the dust
and all thats left of our careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge.
But some mistakes cant be erased.
No matter how old or young you are.
Stick and stones only break bones.
Words can shatter the soul.

Brand New Day

2011-04-15T23:37:00.001+08:00

Finally.
its the semester break.
and i have plans waiting to do
throughout the hols.
movies, books and more onlining.
and yes
SLEEPING!
( ouh and working bt that wnt be everyday though )

anyway,
i dont really know what to scribble down here
right now.
emotions?
nahh, im emotionally stable thnk you.
i just dnt know what to write.
writer's block.
lol
as if im a good writer to begin with
truth is,
i only have tonnes of ideas only when i get inspired
mostly on what im feeling at the moment.
i really should be a poet.
haha nahh joking
Okay now,
what i dnt get is that how peop can regard themselves as poets
only by writing poems.
not that kind of lightening, stimulating, uplifting artworks like
Oscar Wilde's or Emily Dickinson's just to name a few very famous poets.
You dont get to be labelled as a poet just by writing a few emotional sentences
and then
POOF!
im a poet cause i can write stuffs.
No u just dont get to be that.
There are a few exceptional cases where one just possessed that natural talent
but other than that,
i dont see how u called yourself an uprising poet just by writing stuffs which
you helplessly think its a poem.
Its like Rebecca Black thinking she's a singer
but she does at a certain level have that talent minus all the editing and stuffs from the song.
Take Paris Hilton for example,
She cnt act. full stop but she thinks she's a good actress
or take the Malaysian artist Liyana Jasmay
i just dont get it why on earth can she be called an artist?
erghh so
Why the sudden annoyance?
well i came across this blog. It was suggested to me by someone
so i went and visited it and read the posts written-ed
and i saw how the blogger writes and how 'the blogger'
shamelessly labelled herself as a poet
well she didnt quite mentioned it literally
but it annoyed me to be reading how she assumes herself as having this talent
i mean if u really have talent,
i have nothing against you
but seriously when i read your stuffs
i dont see how you assume yourself as a poet.
Ouh well,then again
everyone is entitled to dream. (:

ouh there u go.
a post.
maybe now i can dream to be a journalist or a novelist.
Lol. ;D

Happy holidays people
and apologies. (:

(p;s : the title of this post was inspired by the famous Dr Paul Ekman. I really like to have a face-to-face learning session with him (: )

The vividness of memories.

2011-03-13T20:10:00.002+08:00

Today I spent the whole day in my room.
My room refers to my room in campus.
I feel nauseous sitting in my room the whole day at the exact spot
from morning till evening
hence I decided to step out from my cocoon and fly.
fly far far far away

to the wireless room.
Well it isnt exactly called the wireless room. its the visitor's lounge.
BUT im calling it the wireless room.
cause its the ONLY place (besides the cafe) where the server is really working!
So yes, i am now in the wireless room.
with a few people here ( there's 2 of them which annoys me now : /. talking loudly in their foreign language with their music player on loudspeaker. i feel like plastering their mouth. )
Im supposed to start on my article review which is due this thurs.
I got another article left to work on
and i havnt really put my mind into it.

Ive been thinking a lot.
About the past, the present and the future.
Things that arent supposed to be on my mind now
Seeing the fact that my mind is supposedly to be occupied with th fact that finals are around the corner.
I always believe that music is the heart of our soul.
Music is therapy.
A song can evoke strong memories.
We've all had tunes stuck in our heads.
Some of them remind us of childhood friends,old lovers,places or events.
And for me, every song ( most of it) reminds me of just about everything.
eg: Akon's Dangerous reminds me of my prom night.Dancing with the girls.Awesome time
or maybe Greg Loswell's Off I Go reminds me of a scene in Grey's Anatomy
Im not gonna reveal all obviously.
Music and memories.
Both co-exist together.
Just one note and I am in a mental and emotional time machine.
Where everything from my state of mind to the surrounding to what I was doing
when the song became not just a song but a moment to me.
Holding music in your heart like that
doesnt always work to your advantage,
The memories are not always wonderful moments and sometimes that can ruin a good thing.
You ever love a song so much,it becomes a part of you?
Every note,every lyric even every pause is embedded in your brain
to the point that you could play the entire song in your head from start to finish
perfectly timed.
And that song is so full of sensory reaction,
so lush with memories and meaning that
every part of its being is entwined with emotions
even certain phrases can put you back in places you thought you left.
The song is you.
It is your flesh and blood and you wear it like a tattoo on your soul.
And then something happens
where all the memories attached to the song becomes tainted.
There's a darkness that creeps through the lyrics now
emotions override
its a symbol of things gone wrong
of heartache and pain and times you would like to bury
Everything you loved about it is now everything you hate.
Its not the music you react to,
its not the lyrics or the melodies,
its what they represent,
what they make you think of
especially how foolish you were to believe that allt hose words
within actually meant something at a particular time.
As much as you hate it,
you put the song far far away.
Somewhere you wont accidentally find it one day and be reminded of all the stuffs that you are trying to forget.
You attach so much emotion to that song that even months or maybe years later
they are always painful to hear.
Its always in you.
Thats the way the mind works,
Every piece of music is a memory.
Every memory is a song.

Music is an emotional roulette.
Its not just a song,
to some it might be pictures or videos or smells that evokes powerful memories.
For some, its the combination of everything.
We all have something that triggers the snapshots that exist in our head,
Moments that are embedded in our mind
sometimes forgotten and then dredged up again
by a flash of memory.
A whole scenario comes flooding back as if it happened yesterday.
For me the trigger is music.

But there's no use of turning back and to ponder on these stuffs anymore
what is gone is gone.
you move on
and no doubt Allah will always be with me
in times when im sad
in times of happiness
in times when I feel all hyped up
esp in times when you think you;re alone
but think again.
who are you without His Greatness?
why the need to feel sad on petty matters when
there are other stuffs occurring out there which are more
important?
why the need to be in agony or in anger?
then again we are only humans with emotions
and weaknesses.
for the time being,
ill rely on Him alone
for guidance and tranquility. (:

Now or Never

2011-03-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

Its 12th march 2010.
already?
Wow. time really flies eyh.
I haven't been blogging for quite sometime now.
There's not much updates.
Finals are around the corner.
And no as usual I am not ready.
When will I ever be?

The thing about exam is that its really stressful.
There;s a lot to read, to memorize,
to catch up with what Ive left behind.
Being me,i have the tendency to not really pay attention in class
I study on my own. Self-study.
I should really change the way I study.
Its not really helping.
And i need to ace more subjects this sem.
I just need to.
And im scared, very scared I wont be able to achieve my goal.
I dont really have a goal actually.
Its not that I dont want to have one.
Im scared that i wont be able to accomplish and truly actualize it.
The thing about exam is also i tend to be a bit emotional.
Hormones and stress environment
I really should learn how to cool off and loosen off once in awhile.
I need therapy.
lol.
nahh not really, I cnt wait for hols.
Maybe the trip will serve its purpose.
Hopefully.

Choices.
The human life is made up of choices.
In or out,
Up or down,
Yes or no,
And then there are other choices that matters
to love or hate
to be a hero or be a coward
to lie or to come clean
to continue or to end it
to change or be still
to fight or to give in
to live or die.
Even when there are options,
you still cant really decide
but in the end you just have to.
whatever that gets you through today
So choose.
I did.

Run baby run!

2011-02-05T01:50:00.001+08:00

I dont even know whether they are readers of mine still exists out there.
Since i made this private to people,
i doubt that people actually reads this anymore.
which is a good thing (:

Now,
i can publish and write almost everything!
finally!
Maybe i can even write out a poem or a song!
okay maybe not
but the point is that
i like to write.
About my feelings
esp when im not all hyped up which is practically
everytime when im all alone.
well who doesnt.

Wait!
the point im writing in this post
is that,
i am running out of time
(hence the title,i love spicing things up.lol)
i am supposed to be reading.
not non-fictional books (ohgosshh how i wish that instead!)
but
law books (precisely on torts)
sigh.
exams after holidays is definitely a big no.
i do wonder sometimes why time seems to be running pretty fasttt.
in a blink of an eye
its gone.
its a new day,new memories to be created
its like where did everything go?
i felt that it was just yesterday that i hanged out in Dunkins.
i feel that this monday ill be going off to Nilai instead of Gombak.
but
thats all in the past.
woah right.

so what should I do?
leave out all the rest in the past
and run baby run (:

Of November Alpha India Mike ;D

2011-01-31T00:03:00.001+08:00

AHHH,
finally
home sweet home.
after weeks. (:

i'd love to write more
cause i know i have a lot of pending posts
esp on u manda.
the time will come when im inspired enough to start scribbling here.

and in about 10days or less,
you're about to fly up,up and awayy
renu.
we shall meet up soon while im still on hols now.
eventhough its only for a week.
dayummm.

okay thats all for now,
had a really tiring day with key and iena
attended a pbsm course.
dont ask why.
'im giving back to the universe'
;D
(ouh yeahh hence the title,go figure)

so now im off to bed
just have to catch up on some Tv series before that,
lol
and its gonna one hell of a really tiring journey tmr,
embrace the moment. wth
haha
goodnight (:

Even a joke might hurt others.

2011-01-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

it might seems to you as a joke,
it might seems to others too.
but its not.

it might be something petty
it might be smtg not worth to feel hurt
but its not just something normal.

regardless how close we are
how long we've known each other
the time we spent tgthr.
and that is not the factor
for someone to step over the boundaries
of a relationship
whether its a love rship, or
even friendship.

there's always a line
thin or thick
there's always gonna be that fine line separating two persons.
and one needs to understand when to stop
making jokes or say stuffs that might offend others.
the presence of that line
very crucial indeed.
why?
ask yourself.
reflect back what you say to others
think again what have u did
maybe it might seem like a really lame joke
but its not for certain people
cause the heart ranges from a lot of types
and as far as i am concerned,
i might have that frail sensitive heart.
or i might be that ignorant to think such stuffs.
so think,
what seems like a joke, might not seem to others.
care about other people's feelings,
they;re not the same like yours.

and im not pointing fingers here.
im not referring to a guy
for all you know
it might be a girl
gender does not matter
cause at last,
the heart is what matters the most.

Everything must go.

2011-01-15T16:17:00.000+08:00

Its such a waste.
Yes.
A waste to be feeling this way.
Sigh.

People change.
And its not just about changing.
Its something more than that.
To be using people in times of hardship.
How foolish that innocent victim can be.
To not be able to look beyond that wall.
To ignore those whispers lingering around her.
To reject that ugly truth.
To live in that denial.
How stupid.

She might be fooled once, twice or a lot of times.
But to whom can she put the blame?
Herself?or others?
The heart is something so complex and complicated.
Its not about the feelings.
She's gotten over that fact.
Its now to face the truth.
The harsh reality.
To comprehend.
To accept.
To acknowledge.
To be strong.

But its gonna be tough.
Its gonna be really hard.
Its no longer simple as it used to be.
Its no longer for a short period of time.
Its something that will put a mark on it.
Leaving behind a scar.
But
that is life.
No one is that kind in reality.
And even if there is one,
For how long will she be that kind?
Taking advantage of others is just plain cruel
especially when you are close.
Maybe you should really check the true definition of friendship.
Oh wait,
I forgot that certain people cant even read or think,
Cause they are too occupied with other stuffs.
And even if they are able to think for a second about others,
That will only applies to whom they might be gaining something from.
You get the point?
You quote the good book when its convenient
But you dont have the sense.

Sigh.
From what Ive heard,
She needs help to be strong.
To be able to face those with hidden motive and intention.
But its gonna be really tough.
Cause even the best fall down sometimes.

nineteen (:

2010-12-25T02:44:00.007+08:00

When it comes to starts,
people want to start something to improve their personality development.
Some starts on the new years,and some on birthdays.
I believe that it should not be only on those starts
but
it is more challenging and memorable if you begin on a start.

24th December 1991.
Aahh the date I was born.
I am nineteen.
19.
The last year I'll be celebrating as a teen.
People say age is no restriction.
But I on the other hand.
believes that its with age that barriers are created,
walls are being build up.
And its more than just mere numbers.
Its smtg more than that.
You dont get to be 19 every year.
Its once a lifetime thing.
And if you treat it as something usual
meaningless,
than its all good for nothing.
what I'm trying to say here is that
resolutions are vital.
On whether we can achieve those dreams or not is another question.
At least we had that dream in mind.

How do you feel being 19?
Questions are being asked frequently.
Honestly, the day is just like any normal days.
But its that feeling inside you,
well maybe inside me alone,
Its a day, a new day, a fresh start,
being a year older,
a year wiser,
a year more ambitious,
a year more confident in life,
a year more realistic,
a year like no any other year before this.

And all I wanted for my bday is:
"Aahh thats for me to know and for u to ponder. "
May all my wishes come true.
Hopefully I'll be less naughty.
More mature?
A very prosperous, healthy life with loved ones
is the number 1 on the wishlist.
The list still goes on from there.

Age is wisdom.
Only if one has lived one's life properly.It is with experience and knowledge
And it is getting to know all the ways the world turns
so that if you cannot turn the world the way u want,
you can at least get out of the way so you wont get run over.

Happy bday to those born on the same date as mine.
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
Many best returns to all (:

Moving On.

2010-12-18T01:00:00.000+08:00

I am homeeeee after just 4nights in Gombak.
I'd say the real sem doesnt really starts till next week.
Talking abt the new sem.
A new semester, a fresh start with improved modernized resolutions.
maybe. InsyaAllah. (:
It could have been way better. Should have tried harder.
There's grievous frustration indeed but alhamdullilah, it wasnt thatttt bad.
It was just fine.
But just fine is not in my vocab dictionary of life. ;D
nahh, I shall make this as an eye-opener.
Enough with that.
Shit happens, you move on.
LOL.

I love to write more
but unfortunately I feel very droopy and haggard.
Shall nestle and snuggle up under the duvet now.
Weekends gonna be very packed.
And I need all the energy to walk around.
Goodnight. (:

Of the 2 burgers I ate.

2010-12-08T01:50:00.002+08:00

I just ate 2 burgers.
yeap 2 normal size chicken patty served on a bed of onion strings with barbecue sauce,
no cheese (Thank God) ,lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise (lots of it) adorning the rest of the buns.
It had a decent overall taste hence why its 2.

And to top that, the clock struck 12.30 at that time.yes midnight.
OMG.
imagine the calories I'd gained?
I feel fat.
Really fat.
Like fat with fats.
Apparently recently my appetite seems to be abnormal.
Well over the top.
Im not a great eater. But i simply love to munch stuffs.
Im a big fan of sour junkies.
Asam-freak.
I still have a tin of Jacob's biscuits and lotsa food stored in my university locker.
Im rarely out of food supply and I dont spend much on food.
I do eat but I can stand not eating from morning till evening.
Bad, do not try this at home kids.
Ouh, Im not a breakfast person btw.
But currently Ive been eating a lot. Constantly.
Okay scratch that, you wont see me always munching something or chocolate smeared on my face
or me holding 3 pieces of Kfc chicken (I prefer drumstick),
the point is that Im craving for food now and then.
I blame it on the hormones.
And what surprises me is that Im not usually that famished when the time comes,
this is amazing.
Now i feel fat.

Its all because of the 2 burgers I ate tonight.
Thank you for the food God.
Im very grateful
but now I think I might considering
cutting off some meals
and lose a bit of weight.
Amin.

Rain,the glorious rain.

2010-12-04T14:49:00.003+08:00

Its been raining all day since morning.

It rained and it rained and rained and rained.

Rain, the glorious rain.

How heavy fell the rain today.

From burdened clouds of mournful grey.

Most people don't like the rain because it ruins their day.

But for people like me I wish it would rain everyday.

Rain is such a wonderful thing.

As it makes me dance in it and sing.

I love those raindrops falling onto the earth.

I love the smell of the rain.

I love the cool,snuggly feeling every time it rains.

Im no Gene Kelly, singing in the rain.

But I love the rain.

And people should too.

Its just that,

People worry too much about getting rained on.

They dont realize that you can be happy despite some problems.

And when it rains on your parade,look up rather than down.

Without the rain,there would be no rainbow.

The first drops of rain always bring a smile on our faces.

The smell of wet soil,

the damp grass,

and the slosh of puddles under our feet.

I think you do get the point right?

Im a rain-lover,

Its another God's greatest creation.

Ouh yea, I love being indoors when its raining on the outside.

And there are times, when I just love to be drenching wet.

Rain, the glorious rain.

(p.s: like my new layout? (: )

Cogito Allah Sum!

2010-11-29T18:18:00.005+08:00

"Hidup tanpa tujuan boleh diibaratkan manusia yang hidup bebas,namun sesat di bumi yang nyata"

Alhamdulillah, syukur ke hadrat Ilahi kerana dengan izin-Nya, kita masih mampu menjalani kehidupan di dunia yang fana ini. Syukur kepada Allah SWT kerana saya masih berpeluang untuk mencoretkan sesuatu di blog ni.

Post kali ini mungkin berlainan dari post-post yang terdahulu,bukannya apa sekadar mencari angin yang segar dan baru.

Gambar hiasan di atas memberi saya seribu satu makna. Memberi peringatan tersirat yang sangat mendalam sekali.

Teringat masa-masa jahil dahulu, ya Allah, How i strongly want to erase the memories for good.

Alhamdulillah, satu per satu dapat disingkirkan namun bekasnya tetap terasa.

A bruise will heal but a scar takes time to be remove eternally.

Begitu berdebu,berkarat dan berlumut hati dan jiwa muda pada dahulu kala.

Even now. Masha-Allah.

Why the sudden change? Why the sudden repentance you might ask.

Bukankah semua hamba Allah itu dibenarkan berbuat demikian?

Am I being a hypocrite?

One minute I'm all hyped up in this and the next minute, will it all be gone?

One can only hope that this will be constantly in mind.

One can only harbor hope for the Mighty God that this will not be temporary.

One can only foster hope to see that gleam and dawn of hope, is always,never out of sight.

Berbalik kepada persoalan tadi, why the sudden change?

Terlintas blog seorang teman lama ini, sungguh menusuk kalbu tatkala membaca patah2 yang dicoretkan oleh beliau. Begitu mendalam dan bermakna sekali lantas terdetik di hati ini setelah mencerna semua yang ditulis, bahawasanya, begitu jahil sekali saya ini.

I might be fully dressed with a hijjab on, tapi itu tidak bermakna berpakaian sedemikian mampu memaparkan keimanan seseorang itu.

Im a normal person full of faults.

And i make mistakes in which i fully regret.

Terkedu sejenak apabila membaca kata-kata Hujjatul Islam Imam Ghazali yang ditemui di blog teman saya, cukup bermakna jika diamati sebaiknya.

"Sesiapa yang tidak besegera melakukan taubat,iaitu melambat-lambatkan taubat akan terdedah kepada dua bahaya besar: 1.Bertambah-tambah kegelapan dalam hatinya akibat dosa-dosa yang dilakukannya.Sehingga akhirnya menimbulkan karat,lantas tidak dapat dihilangkan lagi. 2. Dia ditimpa penyakit dan diragut maut secara tiba-tiba, akhirnya dia tidak mempunyai peluang lagi untuk menghapuskan dosa dan kesan dosanya"

happy eid mubarak (:

2010-11-18T01:07:00.001+08:00

selamat hari raya aidiladha
to all Muslims (:
enjoy your feast moderately, let it not be turn into wastage
as a remembrance of those in need.

Supposedly the next post was supposed to be on
the Sunway trip
bt due to Lene's failure of uploading the pics on time,
guess i have to delay it. HAHA

anywayy, lets see what I did today.
it doenst seem to be lk raya today though.
woken up by force with Azue's blabbering.
It wasnt really blabbering but her voice is just irritating in the morning.
lol
Had to send her to ktm while evone else were going back home from the mosque.
And after that, had to prepare for bfast, hse chores.
and guess what I did right after?
Watched Korean drama.
am not kidding.
ouhh btw, all the cooking was done the night before so there was ntg to worry.
And i slept the whole afternoon.burnt just like that.
and mom got to wake me up a lot of times to go to Adah's hse.
I do not like to be disturb when i'm about to sleep.
So had to drag myself out of bed
( p;s : it was raining, the more reasons to snuggle into bed)
and then it was food feast! :)
aahhh the joy of having a family gathering.
lotsa food on the table.
glutted and stuffed with love (:
visited the grave and like usual
there's always this part of me
that feeling seeing those graves for the babies.
kesian sangat.
what a pity but
those who live will return back to Allah.
no doubt abt that.
a reminder to all.
and thennnn reached home around 8 pm
and slept till 11pm
and that is how I spent on the day of raya.
cool aite?
lol

okayy,
i gtg.
tmr i got an early morn!
hiking with the girls
Broga here we come :)
ouhh yeah btw, i hvnt been waking up late yet this hols.
I mean i planned to do so
but eday there;s smtg goin on
and it needs me waking up early in the morning
dayummm I so need to wake up late for one day before
the new sem starts,
talk about patheticness or weirdness
but waking up late is on my to-do list. (:

hello there (:

2010-11-15T23:25:00.003+08:00

hello
greetings from heaven. LOL
it's the season. HOLIDAYS! (:
lk finally,
no freaking books to read.
no exams or tests to worry.
no more waking up in the early morn to attend classes.
(rightttt, as if i did wake up before this ;D )
more onlining
more catching up with the TV
more reading time
more hang-outs
more nappy-time
more shopping to be done
but
there is one thing to be worried about
results.
yeapp, and this scares me lk hell.
i am not kidding.
i cnt sleep, i mean without thinking about it before dozing off.
i have this uneasy feeling in my tummy.
lk smtg's trying to sneak out from the dungeon bt the bars are preventing it to do so
hence the thumping on the tummy's wall.
uneasy feeling i tell you.
enough said on results.
not gonna spoil my happy post (:
(btw, i'm trying to appear more jolly in all my posts. i am not suicidal. pls note that, and even if i do intend to be emotional,and that's due to my abundant emotions i have let not it be waste, it is my blog. where i spill not everything of course, that'll be public suicide, i have my own rights.lol)

Danial got 5a's. congratulations lil dobby (:
and he got a bloody phone as a present from mom.
kids and gadgets nowadays,
reminds me of my old days where i dont even own a phone , wait, i dont even know how to operate one.
not jking,
fyi, got my own official phone after i left high school
aged 17yrs old.
seriously.
ouhh im yet to give him my present.

Will be flying off to mom's hometown next week.
Sarawak's awesome. maybe baby. ;D
cnt wait to meet my childhood friends and yessss food!
swak has delicious delicacies,yummyyy!
i am so famished! ;D

ouhhyeahhh, hvnt been blogging much about uia Gombak.
let's see.
fun? awesome? hectic? boringgg? lifeless?
one day it's fun,one day its'not.
it purely depends on the mood and the environment.
ouhh! but the scenery is freaking beautiful beyond description.
you got to be there to experience it yourself.
its no Cliffs of Moher or Paris Skyline at night ofcourse
but sufficiently adequate for a campus life.
but im telling you, i barely go out and have fun.
im not gonna say im stuck in the library by force.
in a way yes, if it werent for exams, i would rather be spending time sleeping
but the guilt.
the pleasure sweet guilt.
eats me up inside hence my days in the lib with my loved ones.
sigh.
ynoe, when i was a kid, i would go to the national lib.
my aunt worked there before.
or the lib in Limbang
there's tonnes of story books available.
i used to love going to the lib, i still love going there but i dnt enjoy as much as before.
now its more to sitting down with books to study on the table
it used to be browsing through the book racks searching for story books and borrowing them
can you believe it? for this semester
i did not even borrow one book from the lib.
i cnt believe it myself.
mental note: I shall borrow books from the lib starting from next sem.
campus food?
aint that bad. aint that expensive, aint that cheap either.
call me cheapskate bt money is still money.
unless u'll be willing to give me urs, then im fine with it.
but every dish seems to be so spicy.
and everytime i asked the waiter taking the orders to make my dish not spicy at all
it ends up still being hot and spicy.
seriously i dnt expect myself to be eating rice with egg all day for the rest of my campus life.
I shall stop with the endless complaining now.

Cant wait for tmr.
ice-skating with the girls.
too bad manda and renu are unable to make it.
it would have been more fun
but nvrtheless, i cant waittttttttt to see you guys tmr!
next post: Sunway pics (:

so what else is there to write?
emotions?
i am feeling great.
right now.
i am fine
ouhh minus the stomach cramps and the backpain im having.
woman and their day - torture

guess this is it, after how many months.
a long longgg post.
satisfied much my dear bloggie?

happy holidays
and
selamat hari raya aidiladha (:

love.live.let go (:

(thats the latest motto now)

picture perfect

2010-09-17T15:31:00.000+08:00

i am lazzyyy to write.
thus pictures will be posted.
lotsa pics. (i think,depending on my mood.lol)

pictures are worth a thousand memories.
pictures are for keeps.
pictures bring the memories to life.
as if they're real
and life is not just about trusting our feeling and taking chances
losing and finding happiness,
but
it teaches us to appreciate the memories
and learn from the past.
hence,let the pics do the talk. (:

and yes more to be posted.
salam eidulfitr and apologies for all. (:

2010-09-09T02:36:00.007+08:00

i love it

when i hear lyrics

that totally applies to my current situation.

♥T&S

2010-09-03T04:36:00.000+08:00

quote of the day (everyday)

Dont rush for love,

love will come.

-inspired by V-day-

circles.

2010-08-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

circles.
it goes round and round and roundddddd.
and it never ends.
it will never end.

like our dilemmas
no matter how u stuffed it in a box.
locked.
and dumped into the ocean.
washed awayy.
but
u'll always know.
its there.
its been there once.
and how much u wanna get rid of it
its existence is still gonna haunt you.
its been placed there once.
and the stain is irremovable.
bleached it all you want but
u can still see it.
cause its been there.

like the cut in your heart
sew it all u want.
plaster it if its possible.
but it will still bleed now and then.
if only it wasnt this difficult.
if only its simple as ABC

but im guessing i dnt stand a chance.
at all.
such a horror aite.
i need to put a full stop.
and for the time being.
ill wait patiently in line.

my long lost boyfriend.

2010-08-12T23:55:00.004+08:00

i remembered back then the days when i had to eat Mamee Sllrrrp for sahur

when i was in form 1.

yeap for those who didnt know

i lived in a hostel before in sarawak

Miri to be exact.

dormitory styleeee :)

it was only for a year.

bukan saya tidak betahh (yeahh righttt) tapi saya terpaksa berpindahh

i had good and bad times there

and i miss my friends a lot

eventhough yes,ive gained lotsa experience

bad ones but it taught me a few lessons on how different humans have different hearts.

and how im sposed to confront with peop like them.

okay that was in the past but it still lingers every now and then.

u know what they say

"childhood moments are never ever easily to be forgotten."

(i considerd myself still a child that time due to my height.haha )

okayyh back to the story.

and now im all grown up.

i am officially full of wisdom.

seriously.

haha

im 18 (yes i do not want to regard myself as a 19 yr old teen just yet)

and now im having Mamee Sllrrrp for sahur

just like the old days.

and how time passes so freaking fast.

its like i just entered form 1 yesterday

and now im in university?

goshhh i feel old.

well not really.

whats with me and Mamee Sllrrrp u may ask.

there;s a special connection between me and him

a bond never to be broken.

a knot never to be lose.

a window never to be shattered.

im like the clock and he's my time.

im like the lock and he's my key.

im like the lamp and he's my light.

im the star and he;s my knight in shining armor.

im naim and he's just .................

Mamee Sllrrrrp.

always there in times of hunger.

every hello ends with a goodbye.

2010-08-07T13:40:00.003+08:00

hello.

and so its been a month.

hectic i'd say.

or maybe dullness.

i dont know.

ive been feeling rather indifferent.

hmmphh.

and so ive been thinking.

a LOT.

pondering and wondering.

digging and searching

high and low.

but im still uncertain.

i dont know what im looking for.

i dont know whether its that i've been looking for.

i just dont know.

im trying not to think about it.

can you just let me be?

im trying to shove it far far awayy at the back of my mind.

locked and sealed

in that dark.gloomy room.

im loathing every secs of myself

for feeling this way.

and i need to put a stop on it.

like for serious.

cause deep down

i know its never gonna happen.

and in fact it never will.

it just wont.

and dont tell me

im living in my own denial.

living between the concrete walls ive built.

living under all the pretenses.

i wish i was.

but thats the truth.

the ugly truth.

im living in my hopeless dreams.

and for you F,

Context is everything,

and instead of being moved emotionally,

the only actions that seem right in reaction to

your warning stare and a that piece junk of advice

which aims to shock and awe,

are a wrinkling of the nose and a rolling of the eyes.

so,

this is it.

im finally ending this.

once and for all (hopefully.fingers crossed)

goodbye my luckless romance.

lex legum baccalaureus (:

2010-07-17T15:02:00.003+08:00

10 days.

yeap,i am officially an LLB student for 10 days in IIUM,Gombak.

10 days and i am still not used to it,the environment.

10 days and i am still feeling homesick (it happens when u got 4 months of leisure)

10 days and i am already feeling exhausted.

is that good or bad?

i wonder and i ponder.

Gombak was sposedly THE place.

we all wished it was THE place.

maybe im just not used to it

maybe i hadn't given myself enough time to adapt to the drastic changes.

4 people in a room

where i used to have 17 mortals lodging under one roof.

talk about havoc

yes,i hate to say it but i miss nilai.fondly missing it.

Its uniqueness and bizarreness are incomparable.

i love the havoc-ness, the stupid fracases we had.

pls do bear with me for awhile with my non-stop moaning.

while i fret and fuss and bitch on every little crapness im feeling.

blame it on the raging tempestuous hormones.

so no,i am not feeling all gleeful.

imagine yourself at your very own hosted party.

friends and colleagues blabbering all the way

and you see yourself standing in the middle of the living room all alone

while everything that surrounded u seems to be moving in a very fast phase

and u cant do anything about it but to just stare blankly

with no one to confide

no one to grab your hand and save you

from being choked to death in a flood that u cant seem to know

the location of the main source

and the room keeps on leaking

and the floor is all watery

and u just stand there unable to move

and to let the time pass

suffocating you gradually inch by inch

and there is absolutely no one who cares enough to not be damn oblivious towards just abt everything

and u get drowned

and eventually u'll die

feeling morosely unhappy and ugly.

okay that was a bit too dramatic.

but wtv im just expressing my feelings in a really weird way?

however i do not want to die that early

so maybe just maybe

the presence of a charming amicable homosapien who will be benevolent enough

to grab my hand and saves me from being too far drowned in the unknown flood

changes everything.

ohh where oh where art thou?

till then,i am dead.dead-pan.dead.

nahhh,im exaggerating again as usual.

but im hoping and wishing on a bright shining star

that this feeling will eventually drifts away

be gone ohh be gone u damn spirit

for u are to much to fret

let happiness takes its place

so i shall get to enjoy that gleeful phase.

Time has come today.

2010-07-02T01:14:00.003+08:00

Time flies,

Time waits for no man,

Time heals all wounds,

All any of us wants is more time,

Time to stand up,

Time to grow up,

Time to let go,

Time,

We never get enough of it.

my current addiction (:

2010-06-21T23:47:00.001+08:00

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof top

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love is worst

Empty promises will wear

I know (i know)

And know when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

shontelle.impossible

youth10 :)

2010-06-05T22:17:00.017+08:00

the awesome three ;)

i want a teddy as BIG as this.lol

naim.key.nik

youth10 was a real jol.
with youths swarming to the heart of Kuala Lumpur for a 3 day event at PWTC.
organized by YouthAsia endorsed by the Youth and Sports Ministry and Higher Education Ministry, the event saw over than 170 events held across 6 core festivals.
fuyooooo aite?
and only to those who did attend understand the feeling i went through. ;)

volunteering there was such a great experience.
meeting new friends from all over malaysia (well most of them are from kl, lol)
had fun camwhoring with the vips/celebs.
and leering guys. lol

HG ALERTTTTTTTTTT!

(goshhh thanks key for the lesson! very much appreciated lol )

okayy lets start with the first day.
im gonna blog about every dirt and shit we had together for 3 days.
here goes.
hold on tight!

so the journey started off with me waiting for key's friend at kl sentral before we headed off to PWTC to meet key there which she was damn 'early' by an hour. lol
i present to u

nik hanis aka superhanies

and so we met and travelled together
there was a briefing to be conducted at night where we were distributed to different teams
i got to be in the registration team
and key was our team leader
too bad nik was being put in the client's team but that didnt last long.she could only stand there for a day at Biotherm booth before joining us,registration team
seriously who could resist us?haha
okayy more later.
so Audrone and the crew briefed us and we had our own meetings in our own respective teams.
Joanne was our head.
and let me tell you, she is one hell of a leader!
very supportive and seriously volunteering wouldnt had been thattt fun if she wasnt fun and kind.
unlike there's this girl
we called her the 'B'
its a secret thing.do not ask what it stands for.
i mean face the fact
we are volunteering
without being given a paycheck
and those longggg hours working
from 8 am to 10pm non stop
plus to have to face all different kinds of attitudes.
okayy maybe im wayyy exaggerating
but i do have a point here
we dont like being bossed around especially
when ur aint the head of the team.
we dont mind being asked to help on petty stuffs
but do it a nicer way and not with your bitchy look
its not cute in fact
its beyond annoying and ugly.
ergghhh like a slimy slug trying to climb on me
thats how disgusting you are.
goshh again im exaggerating
but whenever im picturing her like right now
in the midst of blogging
i get annoyed.
sorry.
anywayyyyyy,moving onnnn.

during the briefing.there was this band 'tilu'
doing a soundcheck
where the vocalist keeps on showing her ass to the audience
her voice ,melodious? maybe.
try listening to 'kau bukan aku
it not that bad.
i support local bands. lol

and then after everything ended,there wasnt so much to brief actually.
it was more to icebreaking.
getting to know who's ur team mates and all
ouhh yea i forgot to mention
but i chose to be on the vip/media registration
u will soon know why. :)

by the time we reached key's apartment
i was already feeling rather haggard.
so i hit the bed quite early.

and now its the official day of youth10 !
goshhh i am sooo excited!

the day started off with me alone mingling with new friends
while key had to help Queen B
na na na naaaaa. lol
and so this was the part where i made new friends,
meet ariff,dan,ross,wafique,rino,bany,zech,iqbal,chyna and well i cnt recalled all of u.haha
and the first pic taken was with the gorgeous lady

aisya sinclair.

omg she is sooo beautiful and yeap,preggers :)
preggers makes u shine and shine!

henry golding.

hpaul moss

we met paul moss too.
and ohh yea henry golding
is superbly hot!
like omg look at the bod man.
sigh,too hot to resist.haha
and yeap thanks to key's cam
snapsnapsnap!
hottie :P

so who;s next on the list eh?
ouhh yea Mukhriz waved back at me.
haha
he was like on the way to the festival escorted by lots of people
and being the loud me.
i stood on the chair and waved like he's my friend.
lol
but who cares,i always did like Mukhriz. :)

moving on,
next on the list was Phat Phabes,
ouhh and both me and key really wanted to snap a picture with him
thanks to zech
he kindly let key to do the honour to present him the VIP tag and the festival guide
so we managed to take a pic with him albeit the blurness
yes,the girl who took the pic i guess was too jealous
that she couldnt managed to take a clear picture of us and Phat Phabes
so it ended to be slightly blurred.
wtv it is, thnks Phat Phabes for the time eventhough u were late, :)

ouhh plus i did saw Datuk Ong Tee Keat.
just a glimpse of him though cause i was busy taking picture with Phat Phabes.
he did smile though.

LMAO
stop prostituting animals!

nadia flymfm

there was Adibah Noor,Datuk Shabeery Chik. Rina,Nadia Flyfm, speakers,Michael Teo, Pete Teo,Johan Farid Khairuddin (JFK)-he's HUGE!
Datin Norjuma is one gorgeous lady.very demure and beautiful
ouhh and there was Datuk Saifuddin Abdullah
whom key went berserk meeting him.i kid u not.lol
nahh seems he was their coach am i right key?
and i still cannot forget the look on Joel's face!lmao ;p
Siti Nurhaliza,Bienda,Naruto guy.haha
and i forgot who else.haha
let the pictures do the talk k.

Alif Satar was supposed to register at our counter
his PA told us so
but he didnt show up
and poor key,waiting patiently for the guy
but he failed to turn up.
he went straight away to perform at the Kosmo booth,
aliff,u should have registered first,
see,now u made key all upset and missed the chance to be with us hot girls.
lol

okayy lets cut to the chase and move on
to the peak of the event okayy
goshhh fly fm campur chart concert!

F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S
M.A.G.N.I.F.I.C.O
S.U.P.E.R.B

like seriously.
okayy let me start with how i went gaga over caprice at the registration counter
yes,since im in charged there
so all the vips and celebs were supposed to register
but some failed to do so
but wtv caprice did!
haha
and he was like standing beside me cause i was outside of the counter.
goshh he is so cute!
haha and guess what i said:
i cnt believe it though but i went
"oh my goshh caprice ur wayyy cuter in person!"
HAHAHA
and he was like thank u?
LOL
omg,i cnt believe i just said that
but wth.
waitttt thats not the climax yet ;)

so key,nik and I went to the concert.
everyone went too just to have fun
and by the time we reached there at the Maybank Theatre
Caprice was on stage
so since we were the volunteers with VIP tag on.
we made it through to the front.
and goshhh he looks effin hot!
haha
i was having complete fun
and nik was gaga-ing over Hafiz
the dude from flyfm.

so she went to take a picture with him and key.
(p/s:Hunny Madu was the host.she looks hot too.)

and guess what?
just guess whattttt?
caprice wanted a volunteer to be on stage.
and foe God's sake i reallllyyy wanted to but considering the fact i was wearing a tudung on
i felt it was improper.
BUT
guess what caprice did?
he went down the stairs stood infront of me
notice i bold the word infront?
yeapp and held my hand and took me on stage
infront of like the whole audience
i was like starstruck okayyy.
goshh i was on stage

i mean NAIM AZIZI IS ON STAGE WITH CAPRICE?

OMG!

and he asked for my name and dedicated a song to me
by that time let me tell u
i cnt hear my heart beat,
i felt that i was flying
i felt that i was dreaming
but when he pulled me to be infront of the stage
and then i realized
goshhhh this aint a dream mannnnn!
so while he sang Jay Sean's song "DOWN"
I being very supportive danced along with him
push aside my shyness on stage (as if i do have that lol)
and how i am supposed to act decent and all.
wth
i would not let this chance go like that.
sorry for those who think the other way though.

and after that he gave me his cap
signed by him
erghh one in a million weiiii.lol
im telling u i am one bloody lucky girl that nighttt mannn.
ouh and it didnt end there.
while making our way to see lapsap perform
one of the volunteers,yusuf
was kindly enough to let me know that caprice was in the vip room
and to top all that he was caprice's neighbour
they had they ups and down during those teenyears.
but who cares,we talked and took pictures
and he even recognized nik
as superhanies from twitter
wayy to go nikkyyy! :)
he's awesome.sigh.lol

ouhh and then there was lapsap performance
hot stuff.
whilst i was having fun with nik dancing,
key was no where to be found
lol
sorry key.haha ;p

so overall,
goshhhhhhhh i really had fun with u guys

thanks key and nik for the companion
and for the stay.
and to all youth10 volunteers,
i really had a great time and it was nice meeting u all.
see u guys in youth11?
ill be at the vip/media registration counter againnn :)

key:this is all i can afford to write.i am now running of ideas to write.haha do add more k :)

joanne. (:

biggy dan

registration team rocks.

it was Hari Susu Sedunia on Sunday.

wafiq.dan.key.me.ariff

missing u (:

2010-05-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

its been almost 3 months of hols
and there's still 1 more month to go.woww.
im coping well at home.ahah
been doing beneficial stuffs i guess
been working,fb-ing a lot,connected back to my friends
ohh how i miss u guys a lot
therefore im listing down to those i really miss the most

aisya zulkifli.
rinduulaaa ng u babe.
mana u menghilanggg nihh
mana pergi janji manismu?
broga?perghh sekadar jnji palsu.
haha
miss u lots :)

keluarga91 <3
lama xjumpa korang
rinduu jga ng korang laaa wei :)

amanda quah
i cnt wait for u to finish ur exam laaa babe.
i wanna hang out with u fast!
miss u arse. ;p

and yes i do miss the others
a lot (:

like always.

2010-05-17T15:38:00.005+08:00

i've always wonder why cnt we erase those part or moments that we loathed so much?
why oh why
why does it have to haunt us sometimes unexpectedly?
i've tried to put the past at the very back of my closet
right till i cnt barely see it anymore
right till i've forgotten of its existence
but
somehow it manages to crawl back in the dark
making its own escapism
when i least expected
and when i open the door of my closet
and i see u
those memories snuggled back in my head easily
and in a blink of an eye
i can remember every single little detail.

so much for throwing u at the back of the closet
when u can easily crawl back
why?
sigh.

its tiring
its as if u've tried every single way to get rid of that hatred moment
burning it,shredding it into pieces,locked it in a safe that u've forgotten the password forever
but somehow
once in awhile in that particular blue moon
u'll somehow are reminded of that moment
no matter how deep u throw it into the ocean
or how thick u've locked it in a steel safe box.
"selagi hayat dikandung badan
sehingga hembusan nafas yang terakhir"
ull be thinking of it once in awhile
and ull regret for being so foolishly stupid
and wishing that it never did happen
hoping that it'll just go away like always
and u'll stand infront of your closet
shedding a few tears
picking up the pieces back and throwing it at the very back
of your closet
hoping and wishing it'll never find a way out
again and again and again
like always.

random fact 101

2010-04-25T17:08:00.006+08:00

♥ naim azizi loves babies.
yessss,and i dont just love them,i reallllly adore them.like seriously.
i have a thing for babies.i really dont know how to describe this but whenever i look at any baby,i wish i had my own.i know talk abt naim being insane and all but that's me. im a baby fanatic.
for me babies are creatures created by God miraculously,like how we are born.those naive innocent look,knowing absolutely nothing about the real world and yet they have their own escapism.
they get to cry,get to seek every one's attention without being scolded.talk about jealousy but thats what amazes me the most.
beautiful creatures.and i am definitely against baby dumping!
if you are incapable of taking care of the foetus,dont just dump them like rubbish
like u,they do have a soul within them.show some empathy will u?
and if you are unable to that,dont freaking "colour'' in the first place!
practice safe sex. ;p
im not agreeing to sex before marriage
in fact i dont understand why couples would wanna do it.
showing affection?proving your love?
righhttttttt.total bollocks
whatever it is,dont harm those little beautiful amazing creation of God.
cause i just love holding them,caressing them,hugging,kissing,pinching.those cheeks!awwwww! (:

my trip to the aborigines (:

2010-04-21T14:46:00.007+08:00

i was supposed to post abt my trip to the aborigines
bt i never did
haha
and its been almost 2 months since i went for the trip
bt nevertheless i shall still post it up!

held and organized under PERKIM Club,
there were roughly 40members who went for the trip
to kampung pantos,sg koyan,pahang.
we went there for 3days and 2 nights by bus
and reached at the destination around midnight i think,
i cnt really recall it cause it was quite late.
it was a veryyyyy looonggg journey.
the bus couldnt reached directly at the destination
so we had to walk carrying our suitcases along
and it was dark.
u can only see the dark sky
there was no light whatsoever
only the light from out torchlight helped us to lead the way to the village
and we had to crossed a long bridge under the the moon
it was really an adventure!

there was no electricity
nor phone line
and i was welcomed by those small kids
they were quite active even during the night
we camwhored first thing.lol
and then get to work.
cutting onions and veggies,preparing the wok
to cook for the next day.
luckily i wasnt in charge of preparing dishes for the whole village and the crew itself.
thats really hard work
i was in charge of the welfare of the villagers and the crews (:
sooo there wasnt much to do except for lingering around the village
and mingle around with the villagers and those kids.
those kids were really friendly and they even invited me to swim in the river
righttt as if i can do that,
i mean i have no problem swimming but it depends on the situation and the surrounding
but it was really tempting to see them swimming and all i got to do
was just looked at them!

we had sukaneka with the folks.
more mingling sessions
and we even get to watch a movie outside under the dark sky
seriously there wasnt any electricity at all
if u get what i mean
u really cnt expect much
but i was okay with it.
and it was serious fun man.
i never got to go for a camp not even in the school back then
so the opportunity to visit the aborigines was the peak of my semester life.
lol
we even made it on the papers!2 pages guys.haha
but whats important is that
i learned a lot,
not only from the villagers but also the crew members itself
on religion matters and also to appreciate my life now
they were lacking of facilities and they dont get to enjoy stuffs like i do.
they dont get to travel to KL and hang around the malls
or watch movies
or even have a big feast.
and yet they survived perfectly well.
they were happy with their conditions.
and it made me realize
why do i complain too much when in fact i live much more luxurious than them?
it made me realize that God had plans for everyone of us
and each plans were different
the villagers may be lacking in terms of facilities and religion
but they surely can cope up well
and i thank Allah for blessing my life and my family
for those bounties He granted to us
yes there will be challenges,threats and trials confronting us.
every step we made there will be a different story to tell.
different paths,different storylines,different challenges.
yet im sure with Allah on our side,
insyaAllah we can struggle well.(:

and i hope i have another opportunity to visit kampung pantos again
its really was an amazing memorable trip that i would never forget.
it will remain as a memory and i would love to liven up the memory again (:
and i thanked everyone for the memorable splendid trip!

Depression is the cancer of the soul

2010-04-10T00:35:00.003+08:00

Depression.

yes,

its really a common word.

u hear people surrounding u muttering and mumbling

they're depressed and all.

i do that too.

but it struck me one fine night

after reading this inspirational book based on a true story

i wondered and pondered

how do u really use the term depressed?

are u really in depression or are u just saying it aloud

for the sake of saying it?

Well from my own point of view,

i say that we are somehow must have been depressed at one stage of your life

whether its mild,normal or at the critical stage

but as long as u felt that u have fallen down a black hole from where there is no

perceivable escape,

where at a certain point there is a feeling where you dont feel like talking or meeting people,

its either you are entering the depression mode or you're just having a bad hair day.

Depression can make you really selfish.

you're so caught up in your own problems and paranoia that you become disconnected from the

world outside your own head.

Its as if you're locked inside this glass prison where you are able to see and exist within the

outside world but unable to communicate with it.

Those suffering from depression give up hope of ever seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

The darkness is so consuming that you cnt believe it isnt terminal.

its as if ur living like a corpse with a pulse.

when u spent a lot of time crying and feels ur life is utterly pointless,

when u are unable to concentrate on your work

when you feel that the world is a very dark place ,totally devoid of anything positive,

when you are always in the sadness mode

or worse cutting urself.

i suggest u need help.

thats where true friends comes forward to save u from this agony,from this malignant sadness.

i do admit

there are times when i feel as if the world is against me

i dont feel the need to talk and mingle around like i usually do

times when i want to just snuggle up in bed and sleep

and wake up to find a new life for me.

or maybe times when i just feel like tearing and in a need of a hug.

dont deny that i am not the only one feeling like that.

there are many others esp teens experiencing the same phase

so do we called it as the pre-depression phase

or is it a common thing happening to anyone of us right now?

maybe im just having bad hair day. (:

cause i dont feel that my life is utterly pointless

i have plans for the future

and whats important

i have my family and friends to give me moral support in everything i do.

it must be a bad hair day

i wouldnt want to be suffering from this mental illness.

i wouldnt want this to slowly spreading viruses and killing my soul eventually.

i have a lot to learn and live

and every breaths i take and moments i shared

i thank God for sparing me this life

Alhamdulillah,i am in good state,physically and mentally (:

and i think im done.

2010-03-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

so i tried to be nice.
here i am trying to make an effort.
to clean the air.
but it looks like you're
apparently,obviously,unquestionably without doubt
not up for it.
so i shall back off.
i shall retreat
but dont try to pretend to feign your innocence
in this matter when clearly
you're to be blame as well.
what is important i have already made an effort.
and now i think im all done.

thanks renu,for making me much better,
i love u (:

babes,i miss u!

2010-03-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

i miss my mangkuks laaaaaaaaaaaaa.
and eventhough we just met.
but i still miss u guys.
and every single time we hang out,
i'll be wishing we were still back then in convent.
doing the normal routine
dunkins and mr.lim's.
damn and i still miss thatttttttt.
a lot.

seriously
i dont know how i can cope up without u guys.
if u understand what i mean babes.
i love u all (:

the dormates (:

2010-02-21T00:12:00.007+08:00

i have pending posts.

and when i got the inspiration to do so

i shall then blog.

anwayy,finals over.

done.

thank God.

and since finals all over,that means

ill be leaving nilai.

yeap.this is my last sem here.

(hopefully,if i dont have to repeat any papers,i dont intend to!)

and i hate to admit it

but

im gonna miss nilai a lot

a lottttttt.

my dormates-A-1-8

my lawmates

nilai peeps.

the environment.

pak cik ny

kakak indon

mak cik guard

pak cik kedekut cfs

uncle di convenience

makcik van

and my lecturers of course.

lets start with my dormates

presenting the famous,loud a-1-8.

under the supervision of farah nadia aka the dean of satan

we managed to adapt with each other's attitudes and behaviours.

i thank each and everyone of you

who could stand me.

im no pious and im loud.

my laughter annoys you guys to the max i know ;p

my pronouciation problem and my inability to pronounce 'r'

is a joke to u guys.

haha

my suckiness in malay proverbs fascinate all of u.

my asthma attack was the drama which u guys enjoyed much.

(bukan selalu dpt angkat aku kann.haha ;p)

but thats the thing,

this is what brought us closer.

that ties us all as one family living under one roof.

i agree we did have some arguments here and there

but that did not weaken the bond we had.

i hate to admit it

but yes i do love each and everyone of u.

thanks for the memories

and a thousand of apologies if i had done any wrong to u guys.

my deepest and sincere apologies.

im sure gonna miss u guys a lot. (:

we shall start from farah to rabab's bed to ati's bed.

farah nadia

sunjal,ur soo annoying that i swear i can puke even seeing ur face

haha

but its u who took real good care of me.

thank u.

and yessss,im sorry for all the incidents.

the camera,the motor.the 'pelam' (if u reali insist on it)

and for every words that touched ur heart.

lol

you are a good friend.and i respect your capability of taking care all of us

your leadership fascinates me. (NOT!)

haha

u hate to admit it but i know deep down

u love me. (:

rabab

haha.awakkkk! lol

speechless.it took me like

forever to even think abt u.

to write smtg abt a THING like u.hehe

okaayyy,

im sorry for all the words that may hurt u.

aku tau kau touching ngan aku.but what do i care.LOL ;p

thanks for being by my side.

for entertaining me with your hilarious jokes.

your voice is indeed venomous.

your laughter sometimes brightens up my days

not when i wanna take a nap of course!

haha

sorry for the cat-fight.

eventhough ur claws wasnt that sharp to begin with.

saya tau awak sayang dan akan rindu saya. ;P

and plus,just a note.

big eyes are indeed function-less when its not being used properly
you dont want to be lethargic do u?

alert rabab alert!

(laaa,baru minta maaf.hehe ;) )
oh yeaa thnks for mking my wish come true.
suara abe baihaqi sgt garau.rawrr! ;p

kiena

the baby of the dorm.

yuckk.

the raping incident is still indeed fresh in my mind.

nama je ambil irk

perangai mcm pergghh.that's why ur the other dean of satan

haha

thank u for allowing me to stay in your bed for awhile.

very much appreciated!

and for being my mentor in allughatul al-arabiah
:)

wanierush

ur such a slow poke

and your imagination is beyond ours.

haha

but that what makes you,you.

thank you for entertaining me with that wild imagination of yours.

and sorry if i had done any such indecency to u. ;)

marina

sayannngg,i tau u sangap dgn i dari dulu kann kannn?hehe

tau takut!

haha

ur always with your laptop darling.

keep up the good work.lol

zaza

the kfc addict.

lol

im gonna miss hanging out with you on your bed

and your lame jokes sometimes

haha

gonna miss u a lot. (:

aina

the ibu.lol

u are indeed very motherly.

and i respect u for that.

thanks for reminding me not to go overboard sometimes.

and i know u always did love my laughter.

haha

sorry for making u in such agony hearing my laughter

to the extent u actually did cry,

haha.

but im sure u are gonna miss it.

trust me ;)

hamdiah

i hate u.

dahla sombong.

panggil aku gedik.

haha

but i know u love me too.

lol

thanks for the maggi cup

and sorry for the annoyance i caused.

there wasnt any to begin with ;)

achek

well since you're always on your bed.

but thanks for the company for being right by my bed.

it irritates u aite when i make noises and disturb your peace there.haha

but it was great pleasure. (:

bella

si kecik ketot nih

oh nooo.ur soo tall that u can even beat cowie's height.

haha

my dormate from pj.

and i thought that ur gonna be this quiet petite girl

the so-called the last malay woman on earth la

but

damn i was being fooled alive.

never trust your first impression on people

she turned out to be not quiet at all what more demure!

and omg when she took her bath.she has to shriek like

nobody's bsiness i tell u.

"woi,air woiiiii!"

haha

but im gonna miss that for sure.

and your advice

thank u for taking care of me too.

and thanks for being my shoulder to cry on.

ur a great friend indeed.

and yes im gonna miss u soooo much.

ikhlas daripasa hati yang tulus. (:

aisya

mak cik nihh mmg.

non stop nagging and blabbering.

ergghhh,a resemble of a woodpecker i'd say.

haha

but

u are indeed a kind girl
thnks for being there when i needed a friend the most.

but never let that be a way for people to step on u easily.

and for God's sake,kahwinla jela ng baharom tuh

hehe

balqis
hajah balqis (:
you disappeared for 1 sem which was my last sem
so less quality time tgthr. lol
known u since pj.
ckp mcmm upin ipin
very short and u have mood swings.
but
i love teasing u.haha
thnks for the shawl and the cadbury choc.
very much appreciated babe (:

nadia
ohhmmyyychuckkk!
lol.
u were lk this snobbish gal during the first few months.
and no one dared to lay down on ur bed.
the fear of you being angry or smirking at us certainly
worked.
but u werent like i thought u were,
you are soo silly and funny
and at times i feel like smashing your face with cupcakes!
and to tell you the truth,
you're great to hang out with
and i enjoyed most of the time with you. (:

ain
now this little pingu annoys me to the max
if you think penguins are cute,u better think twice.
i mean physically they are for real
but never judge a book by its cover.
as you can see penguins can irritates the hell out of u.
just like ain,haha
your features esp your ahem ahem (butt)
attracts us the most.lol
be proud of that!haha
and thank you for keeping me company throughout our trip to sg.koyan
it was indeed memorable.
and yes its for keeps.
"keep up the good attitude!" ;p
(its an insider's joke!)

atikah
mekohh!
you and your utara accent.
and your gedik-ness tops everything man.
and here i thought
ur gonna be quiet and very sensible lil shorty.
but it turned out wrong.
ati sangattt gedikk!aha. ;p

mustika
mustika ratu.
suits the name and the person itself.
you love dressing up dont you.
and you look good in it.
you have a good bod.it suits ur height.
never complain your fatter than me.
cause you aint! ;)

okayyy
and that practically sums my dormates.
i hate to admit it
but u guys certainly changed my perception and mindset
towards living dormitory style.
and hooray to me.i gained lotsa Malay friends.
and lastly pictures to glance back.
memories are definitely for keeps and i certainly will (:

insyaAllah

2010-02-05T19:55:00.002+08:00

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on

You feel so lost

That your so alone

All you is see is night

And darkness all around

You feel so helpless

You can’t see which way to go

Everytime you can make one more mistake

You feel you can’t repent

And that its way too late

Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made

Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don’t despair and never loose hope

Cause Allah is always by your side,

.maher zain.

Allah is always by my side.

InsyaAllah (:

memorabilia

2010-01-30T20:33:00.004+08:00

moot (:

mdm mardhiyyah

my girls.

sepet aka mayat bergerak.

katrina

putra haziq

balloons makes the world go round. (:

sophie

fiqah

adila.farhana.ina.

aliah.adila.nadiah.

theme:black & red masquerade

gay-tard. lol ;p

huzir the afro boy.bella

farah.erin,me

damn,January is prettty-hectic man.

with tonnes of assignments to be done

plus finals coming up.

emotional issues to be handle.

Thank God,its gnna be February soon.

a new brand month.

yea right.

there's just so much things to be blog about

AGD LAWS.

mooting.

emm well thats abt it

haha

okayyy

AGD laws was well awesome in a way and not too in a way.

the food was great eventhough i wasnt really in the mood to munch

the place was okayy.

the people was indeed awesome

but

the mock trial part was tooo lengthy.

and it kinda made the audience bored

but it was good acting though,

mooting!

yeap,after all the preparation

and hours in the library

burning the midnight oil

exaggerate much eh?

haha

it was a good moot.

but girl power man.

ntg can over-top us girls

so the judgment sided to the respondent.

hell yeah!

great fun!

emmmm,lets see

other than that,

ive leaned a great lesson abt friendship.

hypocrisy and selfishness is one's best assets.

do u get what i mean?

anthr thing that i have learned is

friendship goes both ways.

give and take is what its all about.

u cnt be too close to one

u cnt be a lone ranger either

soo ill try moderation

haha

for now i couldnt care less

im still trying to compare what are real diamonds and the fake ones

as for now,

as long as i have my 4 bffs by my side

amanda,

melissa,

phoebe,

renu.

oh plus since aishah's reading this,lol

thank u for being by my side when i needed someone to share with

a shoulder to cry on

just ur presence and for u to lend ur ears

is enough

appreciated.

eventhough ur like a mak-cik.haha

thank u (:

i think ill be doing just great. (:

the betrayal

2010-01-24T14:06:00.003+08:00

trust can take years to build,but only a second to break.

yeap.

from what i've learned,

there's just so much in this life that i've been blinded by.

maybe i was being so oblivious towards my surrounding

and i failed to notice that particular thing.

or maybe i could not just care.

but then again

im not that ignorant

i do care about others

and i pretty much appreciate to those whom have been a part of my life

even for a month.

its the presence that matters aite?

so how does it feel to be betrayed?

it may be very petty to others

but when it hits u right on the face

then it matters.

then u'll start crumbling.

it may be even a month knowing that person

but the sacrifice u've made to that someone,

the time,

the ears u lend,

the advice u gave,

and for just being there

got washed away by that betrayal,

damn,that hurts.

maybe im being too emotional on this

but

i swear many have experienced it

whether its your love life,family problems

or even

friendship matters.

its that betrayal that will ruin and sour every single detail.

so maybe i should not really care abt others.

since i dont get the care i deserve,

should i?

people say that i am that happy-go-lucky girl.

the girl with the loudest laughter,

the girl with the widest smile

the girl who rarely gets angry.

so u were wrong to tick me off.

i got limits.

and u were wrong for not noticing it.

You say you don’t know what to do yet you do nothing about it

your bad.

they say to forgive and forget.

i am forgiving

but it takes time to forget.

or it never will.

dont blame me for that.

things might be the same

but it will never remain lk the old days.

moot-ing. lol

2010-01-15T16:40:00.002+08:00

MOOTING IS NEAR!

yuhoo!

Thank God i finished my submission,like finally.

Alhamdulillah. (:

now,i just have to write my text.

mooting is so formal.

but its 'professional fun'! (just gt to rmbr this)

and emmm.less emotional and less drama pls naim. (:

btw,assignments are lk abundant.

remember the word:

PRESERVERANCE!

and i still have no idea on what to wear on

LAWS Annual Grand Dinner

black and red masquerade dinner?

emmm,im opting for maybe

a Power Rangers Costume.

LOL.

life is going well.

no much drama

just the hustle and bustle of preparing and finishing the assgnments.

hmmmm still am finding.